酒精的好处
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

　　每每想起所喝过的葡萄酒来，我都会感到羞愧。透过酒杯，我想到的是葡萄农，想到的是他们的希望与梦想。假如我不喝下这杯酒，他们也许会失业，他们的梦想将会破碎。所以，我对我说：最好是喝下这杯酒去，让他们的梦想成真；而不要这么自私，只顾忧虑我自己的肝脏。

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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

　　当我阅读到有关饮酒的种种罪恶时，我就放弃阅读。

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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence？I think not."

　　一天有24个小时，一件啤酒有24瓶，巧合吗？我想不是的。

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"When we drink, we get drunk! When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!"

　　饮酒必醉、醉酒必睡、睡则不犯罪、不犯罪则得以升天堂。所以，让我们都来喝醉然后升天堂吧！

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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

　　啤酒是上帝爱我们并希望我们幸福的证据。

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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

　　毫无疑问，人类历史上最伟大的发明就是啤酒。当然，车轮也是一个很好的发明，但是，和比萨饼相比来说，它还差得远呢。

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Saving the best for last，as explained by Cliff Clavin of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

　　优胜劣汰！正如 “干杯”（美国影视剧）里主人公Cliff Clavin 说的一样。他是这样解释“水牛理论”的：一群水牛迁徙的速度是这群牛里速度最慢的那头牛的速度，当猎人来袭的时候，跑在最后并被猎杀的正是那些速度慢且身体弱的水牛。这种自然选择对水牛整体种群是有益的，因为，通过规律性地淘汰身体弱的个体，使水牛整体速度与健康得以提高。与之非常相似，人类大脑的运转速度是大脑里运转最慢的脑细胞的速度。我们都知道，过度摄入酒精会杀死脑细胞，但是，被首先进攻的正是那些速度慢的脑细胞。这样，规律性地饮酒便会消灭衰弱的脑细胞，使大脑变得更加快捷、高效。这就是您稍微喝点酒就觉得敏捷得多的缘故。
 

WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

　　警告：饮用酒精会使您大声讲话时还以为在说悄悄话。

　　王一成编译 版权所有 转载请与译者联系（import@china-eastrend.com）并注明出处